With the recession certain consumer items will be too expensive and others will prove to be relatively recession-proof. Look at our handy guide and find out how you can save thousands of dollars and lower your carbon footprint at the same time!

Tobacco Products	Candy
Carton of 200 Cigarettes $59.99	2 Pound Bag of Candy $2.99
$57.00 With taxes on cigarettes andincreased insurance premiums for smokers candy can save you thousands of dollars. Sure obesity and lung cancer both will probalby lead to early deaths, but think of all the cash you will have saved. Carbon Offset: NA

Theater Movies	Netflix
2 Movie tickets, Popcorn & Soda $34.99	Netflix Movie Rental $4.99
$30.00 The avarage movie ticket now costs over $10 nationally, you can get a monthly subscription to Netflix for costs less than that (depending on how many movies you have out at at time.) Carbon Offset:

Restaurants	Pasta & Pasta Sauce
Dinner for Two $34.00	Dry Pasta & Pasta Sauce $7.00
$27.00 It all depends on where you eat out, but eating in can save thousands a year. You can even microwave leftovers for lunch. Carbon Offset:

Department Stores	Walmart
Outfit at Department Store $79.99	Cheaper outfit at Walmart $34.99
$1,250* * Walmart advertises that you can save $2,500 a year and $700 in groceries alone. Actual mileage may vary, but based on the trail of bankrupt competitors and vendors Walmart will save you some cash. We guesstimated an annual savings of $1,250 if you do all your shopping at Walmart. Carbon Offset: NA

Plastic Surgery	Cosmetics
Average Nose Job (Rhinoplasty) $3,250	Makeup Items $54
$3,195 Cosmetics are considered recession proof items, and for a fraction of the cost they can obscure your unseemly beast like nose long enough to save up for a corrective surgery. Carbon Offset: NA

Recycled Products	Cheapest Available
Box of 100% Recycled Paper $51.99	Box of Standard Copy Paper $35.99
$16 You can save 25% or more by ingoring the environment and ignoring recycled products. The planet is doomed so why pay extra for it. Carbon Offset: NEGATIVE

Travel Holidays	Vacation at Home
Week in Hawaii $4,000	Week at Home FREE
$4,000 Sure you won’t have the memories, but you will need that $4,000 for your retirement once social security goes bankrupt in less than 15 years. Carbon Offset:

Premium Drinks	Generic Beer
Bottle of Dom Perignon $98	24 Pack of Beer $14
$84 Beer is cheap and will make you forget how broke you are. On the plus side it’s got enough nutritional value you can skip on food too for even more savings! Carbon Offset: NA

Carbonated Drinks	Tap Water
24 Pack of Coca Cola $7	5 Gallons of Tap Water $.05
$6.95 Carbonated drinks are in the top 5 consumer items vulnerable to recession. Besides the calories might make up for some of that candy you’ve been shoveling down since you gave up smoking. Carbon Offset:

Casinos	Video Games
Weekend in Vegas $500	New Video Game $59
$441 Video games are relatively cheap and can take weeks to solve. Plus a game console can probably play those Blu-Ray DVDs you’ll be renting on Netflix. Carbon Offset:

Gym Memberships	Watching Television
Annual Gym Membership $499	Watching TV FREE
$499 Going to the gym may be better for you over the long term, but watching television is free and requires less effort. Just think of all those trips to the gym you are saving, take a walk instead. Carbon Offset:

Research from Nielsen’s

Last week my life was literally ruined when I received an email from what I thought was citi fraud protection. The very official looking email looked like the real thing to me and upon getting I rushed to unlock my account. Fortunately I took screenshots of everything and hopefully others can learn from my $7,681.93 mistake.

Here is the email I received:

Unlocking my account:

My credit card statement:

My poor comporomised credit card:

Apparently the practice is referred to as “phishing” and involves people faking their return address in a way that can fool even the most practiced web experts.

How to avoid this incidious trap…

A number of fraudulent email messages that claim to be from Citi Cards, Citibank, or Citigroup have been forwarded to us by our cardmembers. These schemes change frequently and often have links or attachments with links. Users who click on the links are taken to look-alike or “spoofed” sites where they are asked to enter personal data.

Examples of Phishing Emails:

Your Citibank account was temporarily suspended
Protect Your Citibank Account
Citibank for Your Information
Citi Identity Theft Solutions

Check Emails for Security

The best way to verify a Citi email is to look for the Email Security Zone header at the top of the email. Every Citi Cards email includes your first name, last name, and the last 4 digits of your card number.

Please note that Citi will never ask you for your PIN number, and will never include your full account number in an email–only the last four digits. If you receive an email claiming to be from Citi that includes your full account number, do not respond to it. Instead, forward it to spoof@citicorp.com.

Report Email Fraud

If you suspect that an email appearing to be from Citi is fraudulent, forward it immediately to spoof@citicorp.com. An Internet Security Specialist will investigate. If you have replied to an email with personal information, and now think the email was fraudulent, call us at the toll-free number on the back of your card. Citi will issue a replacement.

The Best Buy in Florida took this picture of "not" me purchasing $2,759.52 for a new plasma TV and Blu-Ray DVD player. Hope you are enjoying all of your new things Jerome (if that is even your real name.)

Jesus forgives you “Jerome”.

No not that one, Jesús Avular the very curteous and professional man from Citi who helped me when I called.

Other popular websites have translated their virtual success into real life brick and mortar storefronts, and retardzone is no different. We have now launched a physical storefront self contained snack food cash transaction device also known as a vending machine.

The Seaga Elite Series HF3500 retails for around 5,000 dollars so based on an average 40 cents per sale and an average of twenty sales a week the machine should pay for itself in just over a decade.

Steal borrow delivery van from work to pickup vending machine, perfect for a kidnapping or a large purchase.

The radio was showing Error 31, and only playing spanish music will Google error message later.

118 miles later and 250 dollars in gas and we’re there.

2 boxes comprise the Seaga 3500, a refrigerated drink compartment and a snack compartment with cash / coin machine.

Barely squeezed through door, which meant we didn’t have to knock any walls down, or bother opening the box before trying to squeeze through door.

The HF3500 in all of it’s shiny grandeur…

Time to load up with nutritious crap that people will actually buy.

We decided on the following pricing structure (with attractive self-made price tags)

Posing with machine.

Everyone loves a sale, will take down sign in two years or whenever sign falls down, whichever comes first.

Seaga Elite HF3500

Sure things are bad but how bad are they in your neighborhood? The Federal Reserve has come out with this very cool database complete with dynamic flash mapping so you can track the mortgage meltdown.

National Map - click to track your home values sinking faster than Hillary’s poll numbers.

In Texas my trailer park is losing so much of it’s value that some of the single-wides are going for gas money and that’s before the tornado hits.

Federal Reserve Map

This billionaire had an estimated fortune of $40 billion, which once placed him at the top of Fortune magazine’s list of the world’s richest people. Recent reports, however, suggest that his treasure has dwindled to a only $10 billion due to his lavish spending and bad land deals. How do you blow $30 billion which is roughly equivalent to the entire annual income of all 125 million people living in Bangladesh?

Hassanal Bolkiah Muizzaddin Waddaulah, Sultan and Prime Minister of Brunei inherited a personal fortune estimated at $40 billion from his father. Here’s how he managed to blow three quarters of the largest fortune in the history of the world.

A large chunk of it went on the Sultan’s palace, monstrosity that boasts 1,788 rooms and is larger than the Vatican-in a tiny country with just 300,000 inhabitants. When the Sultan’s daughter turned 18 he bought her an Airbus. For himself he prefers his own jumbo jet, originally designed to carry over 400 people.

Great skill in extravagance has also been acquired by his brother, Prince Jefri. Having heard of Disneyland, he decided to build the Jerudong Park Playground in the capital, Bandar-Seri Begawan, at a cost of $1 billion.

an astonishing court case this week revealed the extent of the Sultan’s financial excesses.

The 50-page list of payments - which totals 40 billion dollars - also reveals that over four years nearly 8 billion dollars of state funds was paid into his account to bankroll his lifestyle. That’s more than oil-rich Brunei’s entire GDP.

But what a lifestyle. He is believed to own a fleet of 5,000 luxury and sports cars and his own private Boeing 747-400 worth 230 million dollars.

He shares a 1,788-room palace with Queen Pengiran Anak Hajah Saleh, who he married in 1965, and HRH Pengiran Isteri Azrinaz Mazhar, 29, who he married in 2005. The family also has lavish homes in London, Los Angeles, New York and Paris.

Details of the father of eleven’s finances have become public thanks to the most expensive family feud in legal history.

The Sultan, who has ruled as absolute monarch for 40 years, and his brother have been embroiled in a legal battle for 10 years. Lawyers’ bills alone stretch to 200 million dollars.

The Sultan claims his younger brother siphoned off 16 billion dollars during 13 years as finance minister and is now claiming the prince has failed to repay the 6 billion which was agreed in an out-of-court settlement back in 2000.

Here is a list of how the world’s richest man spends his cash

PALACE

The Istana Nurul Iman palace is the largest of the Sultan’s properties which also include a six-star hotel, climate controlled stables for his 200 polo ponies, five aircraft hangars to house his 5,000 cars.

Although the palace is hidden from public view through artful landscaping, satellite views provided by programs such as Google Earth, have increased the public knowledge of the palace’s layout. Such images have relayed the existence of two large buildings in the center of the palace and five smaller buildings either adjacent to or nearby the palace center.

Istana Nurul Iman contains 1,788 rooms, 257 bathrooms, and a floor area of 2,152,782 square feet (200,000 m²). Amenities include 5 swimming pools, and an air conditioned stable for the Sultan’s 200 polo ponies, a 110-car garage, a banquet hall that can be expanded to accommodate up to 4,000 guests, and a mosque accommodating 1,500 people. The palace was built in 1984 at a cost of around $1.4 billion USD and has 564 chandeliers, 51,000 light bulbs, 44 stairwells, and 18 elevators. It is also a home to a car collection that includes custom-made Ferraris and Bentleys as well as 165 Rolls Royces. Its golden domes, designed by Filipino architect Leandro V. Locsin, and vaulted roofs echo Islamic and Malay architectural influences.

Istana Nurul Iman: 2,152,782 square feet
The Royal Palace of Madrid: 1,453,122 square feet [4]
Buckingham Palace: 828,818 square feet (77,000 m²) [5]
The Palace of Versailles: 551,218 square feet (51,210 m²) [6]
Windsor Castle: 484,374 square feet (45,000 m²) [7]
Rashtrapati Bhavan: 200,000 square feet (20,000 m²)
The Biltmore Estate: 175,000 square feet (16,300 m²)
The White House: 55,000 square feet (5,100 m²)

THEME PARK

Jerudong Park is an amusement park in Brunei. It is the largest and most expensive amusement park in South East Asia, built and funded by the rich Bruneian government for $1 billion.

It is notable that during its first few years of operation, Jerudong Park featured no admission fees and free rides, and is currently larger than the current phase 1, Hong Kong Disneyland. The public had only to queue up for rides. However recently, the number of visitors and tourists have dropped significantly and the administration has started a one time BN$15 admission fee, and allride ticketing systems. According to the park’s website, many of its rides are for sale.

As of August 2006, Jerudong Park was largely inactive, derelict, and even tending to ruin in places. The park remained open to visitors, but remains virtually empty probably because the vast majority of the rides, including all the major roller coasters, are closed. The log flume remains open, along with a few smaller fairground attractions, and a single kart is available on the go-kart track. Parts of the park are now unlit, yet remain accessible to visitors, creating a strange ghost-town atmosphere. It seems probable that as more park equipment fails and is not maintained the last few attractions will slowly close.

The Board of Directors of the park promise they will invest in new rides within the next three years, after completely selling the rides.

Here are the rides for sale:
Jerudong Park Yard Sale

WIVES
Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei married former TV3 (Malaysia) newscaster Azrinaz Mazhar Hakim at a private ceremony attended by family members and close friends at the Brunei Palace in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The marriage was a heavily guarded secret and was only leaked very much later to the press by one of the guests.She became the second wife of the king.The first one still remains.

Azrinaz, who is fondly known as Naz, started work as a broadcast journalist with Malaysian television channel TV3 (Malaysia) in 1997. She won TV3’s “Most Promising Journalist” award in 2000 and received the MIIM Alumni Award in 2002.

HOUSEHOLD STAFF

$3.5 million to masseuses, acupuncturists
$28 million on housekeeping and maintaining his homes
$3.2 million to badminton coach
$11 million to each of his five PR officers
$96,000 to guard his exotic birdcages

An unknown fortune is also rumored to have been spent on escorts including playboy bunnies and models who are known to have visited the palaces of the sultan and his brother.

LUXURY CARS

531 Mercedes
367 Ferraris
362 Bentleys
185 BMWs
177 Jaguars
160 Porsches
130 Rolls-Royces
20 Lamborghinis

Here is an unverified full list of his cars, complete with vin numbers.

OTHER TRANSPORT

Two Boeings, including a 747-400 jumbo jet, one Airbus, six smaller planes, two helicopters (ANI)

This Airbus 340 aircraft was “remodeled” in Waco. The sinks are solid gold and one of them is Lalique crystal. The Sultan bought the aircraft for roughly $100M; had it flown to Waco, brand-new, had the interior completely removed; and had the folks at E-Systems (now Raytheon) install $120M worth of improvements inside and outside.

This version of the Airbus A340 was ordered by the Sultan of Brunei requesting for a non-stop range of 8,000 nautical miles (14820 km). This A340-8000 had an increased fuel capacity, a MTOW of 275 tonnes similar to the A340-300, and minor reinforcements to the undercarriage. Upon completion its final range was specified at 8,100 nautical miles (15,000 km). It is powered by the 34,000 lbf (151 kN) thrust CFMI CFM56-5C4s similar to the -300E

More on Airbus A340

Timothy Sykes is a ‘hedge fund manager’ turned investing guru. When he recently joined the virtual office at dinosaurtrader I checked out the guys site to see who he was, and my B.S. Detector went off the scale. This guy is a piece of work, come read along and learn more about the Bar Mitzvah Fairy Tale that is Timothy Sykes.

Tim has parlayed his claim to have turned 12K from his Bar Mitzvah into millions making thousands of small trades on penny stocks during the dotcom boom into a ’successful career’ as a trading guru.

A simple google search for Timothy Sykes brought up a review that I just can’t top:

The more I looked into this guy the more he reminded me of that character on TV who pretends to be a psychic detective but is a total fake…

If that wasn’t funny enough he actually responded with a post of his own within hours:
Timothy Sykes Refutes Some Blatant Lies, Typical Wall Street BS

My post on Retard Trader was meant to be a silly joke within the little trading group at virtual office, and I did wrongly assume that he and not his parents lived in the home that he has his website registered to.

He is now a published author with two books listed on Amazon (despite not being able to spell check his own website).

One of his lesser known literary masterpieces:

No longer a hedge fund manager - now a cult leader. This guy is like Amway pushing his how to books and if left unchecked he will be on sometime around three in the morning hawking his get rich penny stock strategy to people with sleep deprivation…

Timothy Sykes the leader is the small but loyal band of enthusiasts who attack as blasphemy anyone who questions his stock wizardry.

Here are just a few reviews about his book:

————————————————————————

Re: Sykes amateurish hedge fund book:

Update to the Sykes saga. He has been reported to the SEC for posting on message boards attacks against a company he made a short recommendation against on thestreet.com

How he swindled that side into giving him a podium is anybody’s guess. I imagine he fancies himself ala Jim Cramer, but where he tries to match Cramer in terms of bluster and self-aggrandizement he lacks Cramer’s obvious deep well of knowledge and ability to educate about the markets which is something Sykes cannot do. I hope Cramer knows Sykes used his site and then bashed the same pick on Yahoo and Raging Bull message boards immediately after to reinforce the chances of success for his short recommendation.

This kid is the sleaziest thing to hit the financial media in a long time and that is saying something.

Just say NO to Tim Sykes.

And if you haven’t already seen his now classic laughing stock of Wall Street series of emails published on TraderDaily.com go look them up. They are excruciatingly embarrassing.

————————————————————————

Is it more sad or amusing when someone’s young ego spurs them to write a book when they possess neither literary skill nor talent? Sykes has commented elsewhere that his goal to become “a great teacher, not a great investor” but in this sad excuse for a tutorial he proves to be neither as his amateurish errors practically drive him from the market, credibility (what little he had) completely shredded. Perhaps, however, it’s not truly his fault: let’s face it, when it comes to imparting wisdom from Wall Street it is simply not possible that a raw twenty-something simply has much to say.

Not that Sykes doesn’t try however. In perusing the “comments” portion of Amazon book reviews, he’s certainly not reluctant to chime in and offer a defense at nearly every turn. Find me ONE other author at Amazon that feels so compelled to argue his own incompetence.

————————————————————————

In Tim’s defense he clearly stated the losses were not his fault and his mission in life was not to make money but to educate others to:

> From: Tim Sykes
> Date: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 1:01 PM
> To: Randall Lane
> Subject: Re: Re: Sykes 30 under 30 Party
>

Thank you for your honesty, but I wish you had read the book I sent you guys. you would discover that ALL MY LOSSES have been caused not by trading, but because I entered into an illiquid stock that I have not been able to sell. I am unable to raise any money, unable to take any trading risk so all I can do is take advantage of my publicity efforts and turn that into my new career. I am a trader in the truest sense in that I am willing to trade professions to adapt to my environment. I wish you had taken the time to understand the specifics before drawing faulty conclusions.

Tim

Anyway, judge for yourself on whether he makes you vomit in your mouth…

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

With the housing market in a dump you can pick up some real deals like this one for just 70 million bucks. But check this out it’s got like a one car garage, and this guys wife is totally ugly. I may not have as much cash but I do have a much better looking chick and a bigger garage!

See that’s the problem with new houses today no matter how much you spend your neighbor is like fifteen feet away.

A house in Hampstead, North-West London, has become the most expensive new property ever sold in Britain.

Israeli diamond billionaire Lev Leviev paid £35million for the seven-bedroom home and plans to move in with his wife Olga and two of his nine children.

The family will make the house their permanent residence.

This is where the magic happens, nice bedroom but the color of the floor kind of makes the room look like a hamster cage.

The Leviev’s house in Hampstead which boasts a cinema and an indoor pool which transforms into a ballroom at the push of a button.

I get the feeling this guy never watched the movie it’s a Wonderful Life where the same contraption wound up getting everyone wet, then again it was a Christmas movie so he probably never has seen it.

It is in a private road where Lulu and Maurice Gibb and Ringo Starr have all had homes, so get ready to rock with the denture crowd.

The vast entrance hall boasts a $1.5 million dollar stone staircase which was carved using techniques last used 150 years ago to construct French chateaux.

You could so film a scene from Scooby Doo in this house with the bad guys chasing people back and forth.

In the drawing room, a 200 thousand dollar hand-carved stone fireplace is a replica of one at Cliveden.

As well as an armour-plated front door which weighs half a ton and cost 100 thousand dollars, the house has a nightclub, a cinema and an indoor swimming pool decorated with gold-plated mosaic tiles.

Palatial: The gold-plated pool and hot tub will obscure anyone peeing in the pool.

The house, designed to last for 300 years, also includes a gym with steam room, hair salon, sauna and spa bath.

The amazing kitchen costs fifteen times the annual wages of the average British family, so fifteen of them should be allowed to move in. British Socialists suggest the giant mansion should be divided up turned into a tenement apartment forcing everyone to live like Cubans. If that happens it will only take a few years before Brits are building makeshift boats and trying to make French beaches for a better life.

A source said: “£35 million / $70 million USD is believed to be a record UK price for a new-build property.”

The house was designed by architect William Bertram of Bath who was persuaded out of retirement.

Most airport restrooms are smaller than this, Senator Craig would be right at home in this one.

It was originally built for property developer Mansour Namaki but when he decided to move to Regent’s Park, the search started for a potential buyer.

Those interested had to provide references from solicitors and bankers before being given the two thousand dollar brochure about the house, which has been named Palladio, after the 16th century Italian considered the father of post-Renaissance architecture.

It is believed the house was sold by Trevor Abrahmsohn, managing director of Glentree International, along with sub-agent Gary Hersham of Beauchamp Estates.

Mr Abrahmsohn refused to comment on the sale, but said: “This house represents arguably the finest new-build in Europe, if not the world today.

Mansion: The vast entrance hall boasts a $1.5 million dollar stone staircase carved with techniques used in French chateaux.

House is fully gated with armored doors - this guy is totally set for a zombie outbreak.

Dining room table can only seat 12, which means he can have all 9 of his kids over for big family dinners as long as no one else comes.

“I have been in the business for 30 years and have not seen a finer example of quality craftsmanship than this.”

The house has the most up-to-date entertainment featuring a private movie theater and communication system.

I am not sure what the divorce laws are like in England, but I am pretty sure she gets to keep the house.

Infra-red cameras, lights, music, electronic doors, heating and air conditioning can be monitored and controlled externally “from a yacht in the Caribbean if necessary,” according to a source.

All of the security measures are a good idea with giant numbers of Muslims who hate Israel living in the area.

The family room transforms into a cinema at the touch of a button.

Mr Leviev, 51, is a close friend of Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich and is estimated to be worth $7 billion.

He donates about $50 million a year to charity and also owns homes in Israel, New York and Moscow.

He arrived in Israel from Uzbekistan in 1971 and went on to own the country’s largest diamond company.

He is the 278th wealthiest person in the world, and is believed to be moving to be closer to the City’s institutional investors.

News Article

It kind of made me wonder what would 70 million dollars buy you…

J.D. Drew could hit .250 for you

You could fire Dan Rather

Or you could buy three hundred thousand poor kids computers so they too could surf p0rn.

But if you don’t like this house these two are in the same price range:

The penthouse located at The Pierre Hotel encompasses the top three floors. Spectacular 360-degree views of Manhattan are found in this incomparable property. This French château is located within one of the world’s greatest five star hotels. The Pierre Hotel offers every conceivable service twenty-four hours a day.

75 Million Dollars House This one is on the beach and unlike Great Britain you would at least see the sun more than once a month.

This mansion was cool but I still like the rich guy who built a wicked bat cave with his own hookers in it better.

Recently a rock with a cross in it was put up on e-bay and advertised as a the most valuable religious symbol on EBAY ever! Which made me wonder what if some of the most famous icons in the history of religion were to be sold what they would go for…

For those of you interested in the most valuable religious relic ever listed on EBay here is a screenshot.

Ebay Listing

News Article

Take two amateur stock investors, several days of not working to create a new site, ten thousand dollars and you have yourself the great retardtrader.com stock race. Michael and Lindsey are racing each other to each make one hundred thousand dollars and recording every step along the way.


It took a full week to get everything all designed and setup but after a week of trading our racers are up a combined 46 percent. Lindsey and Michael are both good researchers and have very different styles which should make for an entertaining race. Lindsey is pretty spontaneous and Michael is a pessimist who likes to find the weak stock in the herd and ride it down.

Retard Trader