Tattoos are like people, there are countless different types and some of them are so annoying you wish you could just burn them off the face of the planet. At RetardZone our researchers came up with the ten most annoying categories of tattoos using Google and countless hours they should have been working during…
| The Paragraph |
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The paragraph also known as tattoo verbal diarrhea is for people who can’t get to a point. If crazy rambling women who won’t shut up about their feelings and how they don’t like you sticking things in unusual places this is what they’d look like.
Retard Factor:
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1 |
| The Inmate |
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If you want to look like someone who either spent a long time in jail or should have this is the look for you. It’s not fair, but most juries will convict you simply because they are scared you might kill them in their sleep if they let you off.
Retard Factor:
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3 |
| Illegal Use of a Body Part |
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When bad taste meets unusual shapes on your body this look is for you. You can make your wholes and crevices into giant 3D practical jokes on your body.
Retard Factor:
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4 |
| The Frightener |
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The frightener is for someone who wants to scare small children and never wants to make it past a first job interview. If you want halloween to last every day of the year in possibly carcinogenic permanent ink this is the look for you.
Retard Factor:
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5 |
| Spelling Victim |
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Surprisingly, most spelling bee champions and English majors in college shy away from careers as tattoo artists. Some tips to avoid this permanent spelling mistake:
- Give artist a quick spelling test.
- Try writing the text on your head in marker to help out.
- Avoid the cheapest tattoo artist - you get what you pay for.
Retard Factor:
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6 |
| Drawn with a Crayon |
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If crayons could permanently scar your body this is what it would look like. Colors that look like an ugly block of mexican houses and artwork that belongs in a coloring book are the two ingredients needed to make this look.
Retard Factor:
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7 |
| The Billboard |
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The billboard is like the fence in downtown with hundreds of posters on it. If you want your body to look like an old lady’s eclectic novelty crap collection this is the look for you. Rather than getting one nice one get lots of bad cheap ones and try to overcompensate for quality with quantity.
Retard Factor:
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8 |
| Unintentionally Terrifying Portrait |
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People is one one of the hardest things to draw, and the free market isn’t enough to stop everyone who sucks from attempting portrait tattoos. Lawsuits and federally licensed drawing tests could help thin the untalented herd.
Retard Factor:
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10 |
Before you run out and get a tattoo you should consider the consequences and avoid any of these stupid ideas. Most of all go to a decent place that doesn’t accept coupons from TGI Fridays or let your friends try out any homemade tattoo machines unless they have tried it out on themselves or at least three other people first.
Sure all guys want to date a supermodel but there is something called supply and demand. There are only so many really hot girls to go around, and because of this there is competition. How do you stack up against other guys, and do you deserve to have a 10 or a 3 - take this test and find out.
Warning: Your results may vary.
Proving rich millionaire men who are handsome don’t normally date fat ugly women, there is a formula to this (although trying to predict it would require more variables than a climate change model.) This should give you a good idea of whether you are aiming too high or should look to upgrade though, that is if you answer the questions honestly.
Datability test
Sure things are bad but how bad are they in your neighborhood? The Federal Reserve has come out with this very cool database complete with dynamic flash mapping so you can track the mortgage meltdown.
National Map - click to track your home values sinking faster than Hillary’s poll numbers.
In Texas my trailer park is losing so much of it’s value that some of the single-wides are going for gas money and that’s before the tornado hits.
Federal Reserve Map
2 inches long and deadly, and it’s not a japanese man with AIDS - the Swiss Mini Gun is the world’s smallest gun with the Guinness certificate to prove it. The little thing is a bargain starting only at $6,0000 and fires the world’s smallest 2.34mm ammunition. It can fire the six tiny bullets at 300 mph fast enough to kill humans and action figures alike.
You can customize your mini gun with gold for as much as $60,000. Although you can’t legally purchase the mini firearm in the United States.
The SwissMiniGun is the size of a house key but fires tiny 270 mph bullets powerful enough to kill at close range.
Officially the world’s smallest working revolver, the gun is being marketed as a collector’s item and measures just 2.16 inches long (5.5cm). It can fire real 4.53 bullets up to a range of 367ft (112m).
The manufacturers have received a letter from the US Department of Justice stating that the Miniature Revolver does not meet with the minimum size prerequisites referring to the Factoring Criteria For Weapons ATF Form 4590.
Jonathan Spencer, consultant forensic scientist and firearms expert, said that although the gun, which fires bullets at a speed of 399 feet a second, was tiny, it could still prove fatal and in the eyes of the law was as dangerous as a machine gun.
He said: “The general threshold for perforating the skin is about 330 feet a second.
“Apart from bone, skin offers the greatest resistance to penetration. If it can pass through the skin it is potentially lethal, even if the bullets are small.
“If you shoved something 3mm across into someone’s chest you could kill them. It’s the same with these bullets, they could penetrate the heart.
“It is capable of killing someone. Under section 5 of the Firearms Act it would be a prohibited weapon. It would be on the same scale as a machine gun.”
The gun shoots 2.34 mm calibre rim fire ammunition especially developed for it as the smallest rim fire ammunition in the world.
The Swiss Minigun, which is being marketed as a collector’s item, is just 5.5cm long, and fires 4.53mm bullets up to 112 metres.
Owner Paul Erard said that since the product’s launch three years ago, the firm had sold around 300 of the guns, mainly to collectors in the Middle and Far East.
He said: “We are producing in very small quantities - perhaps 25 gold guns and 100 steel guns a year, and there is a six month waiting list to get one.
“We will make whatever the customer wishes for. The most expensive version we have sold cost £30,000 and was covered in diamonds and came with a gold chain.”
Other bespoke finishes available include ebony grips, hand engraved grips, gold grips with diamonds or collared precious stones.
Mr Erard said that although the double action revolver is similar in appearance to a Colt Python full-size weapon, it was actually based on a Swiss-made revolver.
In September 2006 the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives(ATF) in New York issued a warning about the gun after being alerted by a police officer who spotted it on a website.
Special Agent William McMahon said the gun was so small it could pass for a key fob, and warned it made the perfect stealth weapon for serious criminals.
But Mr Erard denied the gun was deadly and said it was only a tenth as powerful as some air guns.
“It is ridiculous. Why would criminals want my gun when you can go out and buy a Kalashnikov there already?”
A Guinness World Records spokesman confirmed the gun held the record as the word’s smallest working revolver.
The stainless steel gun costs $6,000 although the manufacturers also produce extravagant, made-to-order versions made out of 18-carat gold with customised diamond studs which sell for up to $60,000.
It weighs in at just 0.7oz (19.8grams) and fires live and blank ammunition.
The gun is the first product of the SwissMiniGun company, a gunsmiths based at La Chaux-de-Fonds, Switzerland.
This gun makes me feel inadequate somehow, I think I need to go out and buy a really fast sports car.
Swiss Mini Guns
The world’s largest online condiment museum has opened it’s doors to the public. Sure I can’t think of any real value to staring at online images of ketchup packets but the same is true for most sites on the internet. At least at a museum you might learn something, and I’m pretty sure this counts as an internet field trip so get a note from your parents.
Online Condiment Museum
Rather than working today I decided to find the 30 greatest functional Lego creations of all time. So here in no particular order are Lego phones, furniture, electronic items and even a few weapons.
Custom Creations
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