You could chalk it up to senile dementia or maybe just being French but 86-year-old Pierre Cardin has launched what experts agree is the most retarded fashion show in the history of the world. These images are real pieces were not part of a hidden camera show but were part of his spring/summer 2009 ready-to-wear collection show in Theoule-Sur-Mer, southern France.
Here is a link to the actual fashion show, all images were stolen found from actual news articles on the world’s most retarded fashion show.
The Last Winter is a cautionary tale about the dangers of drilling in ANWAR. No not global warming, or oil spills but a dangerous and mysterious disease called TLW Disease. It can cause airplanes to crash, ghost dinosaur attacks, homicide, suicide and will basically bring about the end of the world.
Take heed the 2006 blockbuster film which grossed just over $33,190 dollars illustrates the catastrophic perils involved with drilling in ANWAR.
Beware of Ghost Dinosaurs
You know you’re having a bad day or watching a terribly stupid movie when someone close to you is carried off by a
ghost dinosaur These usually invisible ghosts of giant herds of dinosaur ghosts. The movie asserts that oil fields are actually just dinosaur cemeteries. When the ‘disease’ is in advanced stages the herd is not only visible but will grab you up.
Retard Survival Tip:
To survive simply close your eyes, apparently if you can’t see them they really aren’t there and can’t harm you.
The Last Winter Disease Effects Automobiles
People are not the only victims of this mysterious disease unlocked by drilling in the arctic. Bulldozers, trucks and snowmobiles all fall victim to the possibly gas emissions released by drilling on the dinosaur cemetery.
Some vehicles have their oil spill out and others simply won’t start.
Retard Survival Tip:
Be sure to carry along some extra motor oil and a jumper cables and an extra pair of hiking boots just in case.
TLW Disease Spread by Human Contact
When our lone survivor Abby is rescued and taken to a hospital over a hundred miles away she apparently carries The Last Winter or TLW Disease
with her. When she awakes from her rescue the hospital is empty and she stumbles upon her doctor who has already hung himself.
Retard Survival Tip:
Shoot the survivors, they are contagious like in the movie The Ruins (where villagers shoot those who touch the contagious plants) combined with The Happening (Where plants go on a suicide inducing hormone releasing spree).
TLW Disease Causes Fatal Nose-Bleeds
The Last WInter or TLW Disease
can cause uncontrolled nose bleeds for some unknown reason.
Our e-mail impaired Elliot Jenkins ignores uncontrolled nose bleeds early on in the movie only to lock the door and go to sleep without seeking medical attention.
Retard Survival Tip: Just because this movie is about drilling doesn’t give you an excuse to go picking your nose. Remember it’s not just gross it’s potentially fatal.
TLW Disease Brings Down Airplanes
TLW Disease is apparently airborne and causes airplanes to crash barbecuing three victims. Somewhat disturbingly the foreman pins his escape plan on getting 10 people into the tiny four person Cessna 172 (but the movie was on a limited budget).
Retard Survival Tip:
Travel by sea, the air and land are definitely unsafe but no one dies on the water so it’s probably the safest means of transportation.
‘Disease’ Causes Homicidal Behavior
The strategy of "mainstreaming" is to put children who can’t keep up with grade level work in the class with functioning students. Across the country teachers are spending a huge percentage of their time slowing down their curriculum to try to keep these slower students up with the rest of the class. In Europe there is a college bound tract and a trade school tract where children who aren’t college material are taught valuable trade skills.
Retard Survival Tip: The homicidal behavior was only exhibited by the nearly 300 pound Dawn Russell character so it’s safe to assume it only effects fat chicks (avoid them at all costs).
TLW Ran Out of Money
At the end of the movie our lone survivor emerges from her abandoned hospital room to here thumping noises. You can tell the camera starts to pan back to reveal the city she is staring at only to abruptly cut to black. It’s pretty obvious the movie was aiming for one of those 28 Days Later city in ruins shots but lacked the budget.
Retard Survival Tip:
If you don’t have the money to film something leave it out (see original Star Wars). When hiring a script writer don’t grab the same lazy idiot who ended the last episode of the Sopranos by clicking the off button in the middle of a scene.
Dinosaurs Really are Related to Birds
Scientists have long theorized that dinosaurs somehow evolved into modern day birds. This movie finally puts the debate on that and drilling in ANWAR to rest. Specifically crows are most closely related to dinosaurs. These crows have something to do with the TLW disease, have somehow developed an immunity to live in the Arctic tundra. The crows subsist in the frigid temperatures by consuming the numerous human victims of the TLW disease.
Retard Survival Tip:
Bring along a be bee gun, the crows may or may not have anything to do with the disease but by killing them you can ensure that at least your remains aren’t eaten by the flying scavengers.
Dinosaurs Have Antlers
A giant herd of caribou like dinosaurs with antlers reveals what only a few brave scientists have theorized. This herd appears as wind to the uninfected only to appear and kill their victims once infected by the disease.
Retard Survival Tip:
Take a Bible with you this whole evolution thing is incompatible with the creation theory of God making everything in seven days. The book many not only save your spirit but it might just make these make-believe creatures disappear.
Test Well Small is Small Box
Originally the movie was going to be shot in the grassy forests of Alaska. When ANWAR became more relevant filming was moved further north and one early shot was left in showing the test well much further south in a grassy area.
Retard Survival Tip:
The test well is nothing more than a large refrigerator sized pandora’s box. Covering it with Chernobyl style domes will lock the deadly disease causing gases inside. With the small size of the well an oversized salad bowl or camping tent should do the trick as the well cap is apparently only a few feet high.
A Trailer for the sort of possible future documentary / Horror movie ‘The Last Winter’
If you were alive in the 1960’s, 1970’s, or 1980’s there’s litte chance that you haven’t heard of The Munsters and most likely you’ve even seen an episode or 72 of them. I know that my favorite babysitter when I was growing up was the TV and thankfully now that I have the ability to have my children raised by TV, the circle of life will continue. Let’s check out Herman and the gang…
Herman Munster (Fred Gwynne)
Frederick Hubbard Gwynne was a tall man, measuring 6′5″, but that wasn’t for playing the beloved father of the monster family. Every day of recording Gwynne would put 50 pounds of padding, makeup, and would strap on 4-inch elevator shoes. His face was actually painted a bright red because it captured the most amount of light on black-and-white film. When asked off camera in his later years about Herman, Gwynne was quoted as saying “I might as well tell you the truth. I love old Herman Munster. Much as I try not to, I can’t stop liking that fellow.”
Having over 55 TV and movie credits to his name, Gwynne was a celebrated movie and stage actor as well as a father of four and loving husband. Gwynne died of pancreatic cancer in 1993, just 8 days short of his 67th birthday. His grave remains unmarked in Finksburg, MD.
LIFETIME STATISTICS
Total Projects
Quality of Acting
Age
Grade
55
9
66
A-
Grandpa (Al Lewis III)
Albert Meister was an American actor whose life was extinguished after a short 82 years. Lewis is best known as his role of Grandpa, where he would be forever type cast. In order to have a more complete life post his monster-job, Lewis opened a restaurant, was a political candidate, and a radio broadcaster. A little known fact about Lewis is that he played the father to Lily, who he was younger than in real life.
One thing for sure is that Lewis had been found contradicting himself many times. Facts that could never be proven include his birth year (1910 or 1923), his questionable Ph.D. from Columbia, his claims to have been in World War II, and whether he was ever a good actor.
LIFETIME STATISTICS
Total Projects
Quality of Acting
Age
Grade
44
6.5
82 *
C
Lily Munster (Yvonne De Carlo)
Margaret Yvonne Middleton of Vancouver, British Columbia was the female lead of the TV show, which she played rather convincingly (I still have nightmare sexual dreams about her). While on the show, Lily was never looked poorly upon for her choice in following the TV career, though it was a large drop in popularity versus her movie career where she played opposite actors like Burt Lancaster, Clark Gable, and Siney Poitier.
Yvonne was honored with two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and will be looked upon with interesting thoughts since she released a book about initimate friends, including Aly Khan, Billy Wilder, Burt Lancaster, Howard Hughes, Robert Stack and Robert Taylor.
LIFETIME STATISTICS
Total Projects
Quality of Acting
Age
Grade
122
8
84
B+
Eddie Munster (Butch Patrick)
Patrick Alan Lilley peaked as Eddie, where he received $600 per episode (while the average adult salary was $46 a week). Of course because most sitcom actors from the 1960’s receive no residuals, Butch would continue to have to work in order to make a living. In order to ride the Eddie into the ground, Butch started a band named Eddie & The Monsters.
Butch would show up on VH1’s list of 100 Greatest Kid Stars, coming in at #45. Then in July 2008 he would be seen on a courtroom TV show because his website was robbed by a friend, which he wound up having to pay $1,400 because of.
LIFETIME STATISTICS
Total Projects
Quality of Acting
Age
Grade
49
4
55+
D+
Marilyn Munster (Beverley Owen)
Beverly played the role of Marilyn during the first season only (a role she disliked, and only accepted out of contractual obligations to Universal Studios). After thirteen episodes, Owen left the program to get married, and was replaced by Pat Priest. Beginning in 1971 she appeared for two years on Another World, after which she retired from television and chose to perform exclusively in live theatre.
Truth is that there’s not much more information about Owen, as she wasn’t the prettier or more talented of the Marilyn’s and besides off-off-Broadway stuff she probably only did work in high school auditoriums.
LIFETIME STATISTICS
Total Projects
Quality of Acting
Age
Grade
7
3
71+
F
Marilyn Munster (Patricia Ann Priest)
The running gag of Marilyn’s character was that this normal, beautiful blonde was keenly aware that she was the “ugly” or “plain” one in the family. Priest continued where Owen left off until the series ended. Priest was by far the most attractive regular on the show and would most likely have been asked to join Baywatch if the Hoff were out of diapers at that time.
After the series ended, Priest appeared on episodes of TV programs such as Bewitched, Perry Mason and Mary Tyler Moore. Though she retired in the 1980’s, she continues to attend “Munster” revivals and conventions.
LIFETIME STATISTICS
Total Projects
Quality of Acting
Age
Grade
23
7
70
B-
The Raven (Bob Hastings & Mel Blanc)
The Raven was voiced by Mel Blanc and occasionally Bob Hastings. The raven lives in the Munsters’ cuckoo clock and repeats the word “Nevermore”. It is Herman’s target when he’s angered, causing Herman to throw objects at him on occasions. Sometimes, the raven will come out of his clock, but often only for short periods, or to flee when he thinks there is a catastrophe.
I’m not sure what caused Hastings to have to follow up Blanc for this prestigious, faceless job… but it’s always nice to have an understudy.
Every retard wonders what happened to the cast of past TV shows. While there are several websites that are run by fans stuck in whatever decade a TV show became popular within, there’s hardly a flipside to the sites that tell the truth about where are they now, so let’s run through a run down on the classmates of Saved By The Bell… Enjoy this trip down memory lane in Bayside High School while each actor is graded using our very stringent and unbending Retard Factor.
Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar):
Before NYPD Blue had detective John Clark, Saved By The Bell had Zack Morris. Along the way to a fizzling career, Zack starred in a 1998 movie Dead Man on Campus and was the central character in the TV show Hyperion Bay, for all 17 episodes of one season. Next he destroyed the series Command in Chief which starred Geena Davis. New projects which Gosselaar will destroy with his incredibly bad luck include a new series Raising the Bar. Only one season will tell how quickly Gosselaar can destroy another TV show. Gosselaar remains friends with Mario Lopez. Retard Factor:
Albert Clifford “A.C.” Slater (Mario Lopez Jr.):
A.C. was always chasing Kelly Kapowski and though he eventually caught her on the show, there’s not much chance that he would have settled for Kelly in real life. In fact, Mario Lopez was too busy with other women in his revolving door of a life to pay much attention to one semi-attractive girl. Lopez was married to the Dorito girl Ali Landry for two weeks back in 2004 but infidelities kept the marriage from continuing. Lopez has been rumored to be gay, but the line of best girl friends whom he shops with insist he just knows how women think. Retard Factor:
Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Thiessen):
Kelly needed a stick to keep Zack and A.C. away from her on the show. Since the show, she’s been photographed nearly nude, really nude, and sometimes in clothes. Thiessen went on to work in Beverly Hills 90210 also, where she played bad-girl Valerie Malone. Now the bad about Thiessen, it seems that she drove a long time boyfriend to suicide (or was it - dun dun dunnn). As of that time, it seems that Thiessen has found an actor that nobody knows to marry (congrats Brady Smith) and has volunteered her wasted decent-looking years to Make-A-Wish Foundation. Here’s my wish, dating Thiessen back when she was still hot. Retard Factor:
Let’s talk about the 5′10″ tall Jessie Spano for a moment. She looked ridiculous next to the now-assumed-gay Lopez, but that’s alright because he looked like he could have played a helmet-wearing short-bus rider. Berkeley was as teen model for Elite before getting into Saved by the Bell and then destroying any hope of a career by being Nomi Malone in Showgirls (which would have been better if it were just sold as a softcore). After that failure, she found a little role in The First Wives Club which wasn’t a complete failure. Now you could find Berkley on Bravo or other networks where she can hide in shame. Retard Factor:
Samuel “Screech” Powers (Dustin Diamond):
Screech was voted most likely to succeed, and with the release of his “home made movie”, there’s little doubt that he’s got the most recognition as of late (Berkley could have had Diamond with her in the Showgirls movie without an audition). Oddly enough, Diamond is a comedian. Really. Apparently looks are important in life. Diamond had an alleged assault of a child for calling him “Screech”, a problem with the domain name of his name where people insinuated he was gay (Mario Lopez probably started that one) and the sex tape. He’s actually on a roll. Did I forget to mention his alleged debt and how he was facing foreclosure? Retard Factor:
Lisa Marie Turtle (Lark Voorhies):
After Lisa finished torturing Screech, she turned her acting talent from Saved… to soap operas and some guest appearances on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, recurring rolls in In The House and appeared twice on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Of coures, it’s not all about the high life, as Voorhies is probably trying to convince someone to go with her production company, which will go unnamed on this site as to avoid her evil suing practices. Retard Factor:
Richard Belding (Dennis Haskins):
From being the principal in Saved by the Bell to being the principal in Saved by the Bell: The New Class; it’s quite obvious that Haskins is just a born actor. With the amazing repertoire of acting abilities, it’s quite amazing that Tom Hanks had the opportunity to speak to a volleyball or offer a box of chocolates to anyone while Haskins was alive. Haskins has been credited with 20 other TV and movie appearances, but you just haven’t heard of any of them. Retard Factor:
Max (Ed Alonzo):
Ed has been on Saved By The Bell, Head of the Class, and Totally Hidden Video. He’s an accomplished comedian, actor, and professional magician. Of course you don’t remember Alonzo but he’s actually been in more recongnizable TV shows than Haskins (Alonzo was also in Full House, Murphy Brown, and Xuxa). Retard Factor:
Stacey Carosi (Leah Remini):
Leah Remini use to be hot, and I use to enjoy watching her wear too-many clothes on the Saved By The Bell Malibu Beach episodes. Remini has gone on to a more successful career than other Bellers, including having the very successful TV sitcom The King of Queens. Overall though, Remini is the only standout from the show that seemed to keep the majority of it’s actors out of fame. Retard Factor:
In a couple of weeks you can get one of the coolest lego sets of all time - The 10188 Death Star. The round kit has three separate levels with 24 minifigures and sections representing the major parts of the Death Star from the original Star Wars movies (pre Jar-Jar).
Item Number: 10188
Price: $399.99
Pieces: 3,803
Avaliable: 16 Sep 2008
Recreate the action and adventure of the Star Wars™ movies with the ultimate Death Star playset! This amazingly detailed battle station features an incredible array of minifigure-scale scenes, moving parts, characters and accessories from Episodes IV and VI on its multiple decks, including the Death Star control room, rotating turbolaser turrets, hangar bay with TIE Advanced starfighter, tractor beam controls, Emperor’s throne room, detention block, firing laser cannon, Imperial conference chamber, droid maintenance facility, and the powerful Death Star superlaser…plus much more! Swing across the chasm with Luke and Leia, face danger in the crushing trash compactor, and duel with Darth Vader for the fate of the galaxy!
Includes 24 minifigures and droids, plus all-new Dianoga™ trash compactor monster!
Includes 6 new and exclusive minifigures and droids only found in this set: Luke Skywalker™ (Stormtrooper™ outfit), Han Solo™ (Stormtrooper outfit), Assassin Droid™, Interrogation Droid, Death Star Droid and 2 Death Star Troopers™!
Also includes Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi™, C-3PO™, R2-D2™, Princess Leia™, Chewbacca™, Luke Skywalker (Jedi Knight), Darth Vader™, Grand Moff Tarkin™, Emperor Palpatine™, 2 Stormtroopers, 2 Emperor’s Royal Guards™, R2-Q5™, and mouse droid!.
Movie-authentic Death Star environments include the Superlaser control room and target monitor, Imperial conference chamber, TIE Advanced hangar bay with moving launch rack, Emperor’s throne room, droid maintenance room, detention block, trash compactor, and much more!
Rescue Princess Leia from the detention block cell, then escape through the secret hatch to the trash compactor below!
Reenact the final duel between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader in the Emperor’s Throne Room!
Death Star measures 16” (41cm) tall and 16½” (42cm) wide!
Argentina is well known for losing to larger countries in battle, first the Falkland Islands and now apparently the South American country is looking to be defeated by the Chinese. WIthout a Chinese version of the Falkland Islands nearby (save Vancouver) Argentina is making an Olympic effort to upset the Chinese into defeating them.
Argentina only has two medals at this point, so we decided to award them retarded humor medals for their latest attempt at humor / public relations disaster…
Men’s Basketball
Women’s Tennis
Women’s Soccer
The Chinese athletes are leading in terms of military power, athletic prowess, population, economic strength, but losing in the retarded humor category. Incidentally the soccer player on the left is definitely a guy.
More retarded: Argentinian troops raising flag over the falkalnd islands in 1982.
The move Aliens introduced most of us to a monster that had a second smaller set of jaws open up from it’s mouth which seemed totally retarded but cool. The goblin shark pretty much has the same thing which is totally worthy of some retard attention…
The goblin shark, Mitsukurina owstoni, is a deep-sea shark, the sole living species in the family Mitsukurinidae. The most distinctive characteristic of the goblin shark is the unorthodox shape of its head. It has a long, trowel-shaped, beak-like rostrum or snout, much longer than other sharks’ snouts. Some other distinguishing characteristics of the shark are the color of its body, which is mostly pink, and its long, protrusible jaws. When the jaws are retracted, the shark resembles a pink grey nurse shark, Carcharias taurus, with an unusually long nose.
Mitsukurina owstoni is found in the deep ocean, far below where the sun’s light can reach at depths greater than 200 m. They can be found throughout the world, from Australia in the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico in the Atlantic Ocean.[4] They are best known from the waters around Japan, where the species was first discovered by modern science.
Goblin sharks feed on a variety of organisms that live in deep waters. Among some of their known meals are deep-sea squid, crabs and deep-sea fishes. Very little is known about the species’ life history and reproductive habits, as encounters with them have been relatively rare. As seemingly rare as they are however, there seems to be no real threat to their populations and so they are not classified as endangered species by the IUCN.
Goblin sharks can grow 11 feet (3.3 m) long and weigh 350 lb (159 kg). They have the typical shark’s semi-fusiform body. Unlike the common image of sharks, M. owstoni’s fins are not pointed and instead are low and rounded, with the anal and pelvic fins significantly larger than the dorsal fins. Their heterocercal tails are similar to the thresher shark’s, with the upper lobe significantly longer proportionately than other sharks’. In addition, the goblin shark’s tail lacks a ventral lobe.
The pink coloration, unique among sharks, is due to blood vessels underneath a semi-transparent skin (which bruises easily), thereby causing the coloring. The fins have a bluish appearance. Goblin sharks lack a nictitating membrane. They have no precaudal pit and no keels. The front teeth are long and smooth-edged, while the rear teeth are adapted for crushing.
Up to 25% of the goblin shark’s body weight can be its liver.
More Info from the Florida Museum of Natural History
Hot reporters are willing to do more than just go down for a story some are nearly got killed by a giant ball. Not just a run of the mill ball either, it was a single ball (like John Kruk’s) or more specifically a giant transparent sphere intended to be fun.
Sphereing (or Zorbing) is the practice of humans traveling in a sphere, generally made of transparent plastic, usually for fun. Sphereing or globe-riding is generally performed on a gentle slope, allowing the rider to roll downhill, but can also be done on a level surface, as well as on water, permitting more rider control. In the absence of hills, at least one vendor has begun constructing metal ramps.[1] Most spheres are constructed for a single rider, but some hold two or three. The longer runs are approximately half a mile. Globe-riding is very popular in New Zealand and the very first Zorb site was Zorb Rotorua.
The sphere is a double-hulled sphere, with one ball inside the other with an air layer in between. This acts as a shock absorber for the rider, dampening bumps while traveling. It also allows for a much more light-weight sphere made of flexible plastic, as opposed to the rigid plastic of a hamster ball. Many spheres have straps to hold the rider in place, while others leave the rider free to walk the sphere around or be tossed about freely by the rolling motion. A typical sphere is about 3 metres (9.8 ft) in diameter, with an inner sphere size of about 2 metres (6.6 ft), leaving a 50–60 centimetre (20–24 in) air cushion around the riders. The plastic is approximately 0.8 millimetres (0.031 in) thick. The inner and outer sphere are connected by numerous (often hundreds) small ropes. Spheres generally have one or two tunnel-like entrances.
On June 19, 2008 reporter Rebekah Metzler of the Lewiston Sun-Journal, fractured her back and bruised a kidney while rolling down a ski hill in a Chinese knockoff of the product at Lost Valley, Maine.
Statehouse reporter Rebekah Metzler was rolling down a hill inside the car-sized plastic sphere known as “the Zorb” when it bounced off a hay-encased post, went airborne and landed hard several seconds later.
Metzler estimated the ball sailed 8 feet into the air before coming down.
She drove back to the newspaper office and was taken to Central Maine Medical Center in Lewiston where she was admitted Thursday night.
Metzler was inside the sphere along with Sun Journal photographer Lincoln Benedict as part of a media preview of the ride.
Hours after Metzler’s 1 p.m. ride, it was still unclear what went wrong.
“I wouldn’t want this incident to become a black cloud over the Zorb,” Metzler said from the hospital Thursday night. “I think if things are done correctly, it’s safe.”
The ride features a large, inflatable sphere inside which riders are strapped and then rolled down a hill. The sphere is opening at Lost Valley this weekend with the announcement: “Take the wildest ride in your life down over our ski trails!”
Metzler said she had researched the “Zorb” in preparation for her ride and indications were that there was not a big risk of injury. Her guess: The operation of it on Thursday may have been more relaxed because it was not yet open to the public.
“That’s my layman’s point of view,” she said. “I think if the concern level is there, it’s going to be pretty safe.”
Metzler said it did not appear that the sphere handlers paid particular attention to how precisely the orb was inflated before she was sent down the hill.
Zorb Ltd chief executive, Craig Horrocks, of Remuera, Auckland, told the Boston Globe that his company has had issues with “a rogue and fake operators.”
He said the only official Zorb site in the USA was in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, near Dolly Parton’s theme park.
Zorb New England co-manager Jeremy Coito acknowledged that his business base in Danvile New Hampshire was not associated with Zorb Ltd, but claimed that “Zorbing is a generic trademark, a sport” and he could rightfully use its name.
Like the 70s we’re facing a slowing economy, inflation and out of control gas prices. And sadly, we are getting the same TV shows to match. Battlestar Galactica proved the only exception to tthe rule where it’s retread aired for 3 more seasons than it’s original series.
The Bionic Woman
Original Series: 1976-1978
New Series: 2007
Episodes: 59
Episodes: 14
Starring:
Lindsay Wagner
Jamie Sommers
Richard Anderson
Oscar Goldman
Lee Majors
Col. Steve Austin
Ted Cassidy
Bigfoot
Starring:
Michelle Ryan
Jaime Sommers
Miguel Ferrer
Jonas Bledsoe
Lucy Hale
Becca Sommers
Katee Sackhoff
Sarah Corvus
Plot: In this TV spinoff of "The Six Million Dollar Man", tennis pro Jamie Sommers was almost killed in a skydiving accident, but was saved by the U.S. Government, which used bionic parts to save her. Both legs, one arm, and one ear are artificial, which give her a number of super powers. She works as an agent for the Office of Scientific Investigations battling spies, fembots, mad scientists and aliens.
Plot: A reimagining of the popular 1970s TV series about a female athlete who is given bionic strength.
Returning Stars: No major returns.
Notable: The Bionic woman didn’t end in 1978 with the cancellation of the show - a trillogy of TV movies continued the story of Jamie Sommers until 1994.. All three movies aired on ABC, and they take our heroes from their reunion through their eventual marriage.
Notable: None of the shows original stars returned, and after a quick ratings start the show died a quick death without bigfoot.
The Love Boat
Original Series: 1977-1986
New Series: 1998-1999
Episodes: 249
Episodes: 25
Starring:
Gavin MacLeod
Captain Merrill Stubing
Fred Grandy
Purser ‘Gopher’
Lauren Tewes
Cruise Director Julie McCoy
Bernie Kopell
Doctor Adam Bricker
Ted Lange
Bartender Isaac Washington
Starring:
Robert Urich
Captain Jim Kennedy
Phil Morris
Chief Purser Will Sanders
Joan Severance
Security Camille Hunter
Corey Parker
Doctor John Morgan
Plot: The romantic and comic tales of the passengers and crew of the cruise ship, Pacific Princess.
Plot: Retired Navy commander Jim Kennedy is divorced and has a teenage son. He takes over the famous cruise ship, where he and his crew tackle various scenarios with different passengers every week.
Notable: This show was famous for it’s guest stars who included Charro who would board the ship. Gopher went on to serve in the US congress.
Notable: Not much, this show sank faster than the Titanic, and never even made it to a major network.
Hawaii 5-0
Original Series: 1968-1980
New Series: 2010-?
Episodes: 284
Episodes: ?
Starring:
Jack Lord
Det. Steve McGarrett
James MacArthur
Det. Danny Williams
Kam Fong
Det. Chin Ho Kelly
Starring:
?
Plot: Hawaii Five-O centers on a fictional state police force (named in honor of Hawaii’s status as the 50th State) led by former Navy officer Steve McGarrett (Jack Lord), who was appointed by the Governor Paul Jameson (Richard Denning). For twelve seasons, McGarrett and his team hounded international secret agents, criminals, and Mafia syndicates plaguing the Hawaiian Islands.
Plot: Like the original series, it is a procedural chronicling the workings of the fictional Hawaiian state police department. In the original, the unit was headed by Steve McGarrett, played by Jack Lord. In the new series, McGarrett’s son Chris will be the top cop. While the characters, storytelling and pacing will be updated, "we will try to keep as much of the original show as possible," the creator said. "I’m not trying to reinvent it."
Notable: The show ran for 12 seasons, from 1968 to 1980, making it the longest running crime show on American television until the police drama Law & Order surpassed it in 2003.
Notable: Quintin Tarantino turned down remaking the series as a movie because he said he hated the show. There were plans for a movie version that was in the works at Warner Bros. Pictures, but those plans were scrapped at the last moment.
Battlestar Galactica
Original Series: 1978
New Series: 2004-2009
Episodes: 21
Episodes: 73
Starring:
Lorne Greene
Commander Adama
Richard Hatch
Captain Apollo Adama
Dirk Benedict
Lt. Starbuck
Herb Jefferson Jr.
Lt. Boomer
John Colicos
Baltar
Laurette Spang
Cassiopeia
Anne Lockhart
Sheba
Starring:
Edward James Olmos
Admiral William Adama
Jamie Bamber
Captain Lee ‘Apollo’ Adama
Katee Sackhoff
Captain Kara ‘Starbuck’ Thrace
Grace Park
Lt. Sharon ‘Boomer’ Valerii
James Callis
Dr. Gaius Baltar
Mary McDonnell
President Laura Roslin
Tricia Helfer
Number 6
Plot: The human Colonial forces have agreed to peace with their mortal enemies the Robotic Cylons when a surprise attack destroys most of the Colonial Fleet. The remnants of the Colonials form up a "ragtag group of ships" on the surviving major ship, the Battlestar Galactica. They decide to go off in a search for the planet founded by missing tribe of the Colonials, a planet called earth as the Cylons continue to search for them.
Plot: A reimagining of the popular 1970s TV series with major characters turned into women who beat up guys. The Cylons are now look like humans (not all of them though some are robots and others are living spaceships)
Notable: A second season promised an extremely watered down plot where Cassiopeia was promoted from nurse to doctor, Boomer becomes a scientist, Tigh the second in command would be replaced by women, Sheba dies, and Starbuck develops super senses. Apollo quits the fleet (as he did in the second series) and has an affair with a half cylon named renata (is that where thy came up with the twist for the second series?)
Notable:Many regard the show as the best Sci-Fi series of all time, with 11 awards & 33 nominations. Richard Hatch who played the lead in the original was in 20 episodes as a politician. Starbuck is the last cylon.
Fantasy Island
Original Series: 1978-1984
New Series: 1998-1999
Episodes: 157
Episodes: 13
Starring:
Ricardo Montalban
Mr. Roarke
Hervé Villechaize
Tattoo
Starring:
Malcolm McDowell
Mr. Roarke
Edward Hibbert
Harry
Mädchen Amick
Ariel
Fyvush Finkel
Fisher
Plot: Fantasy Island is a resort, where there is very little that the host, Mr. Roarke cannot provide. Thus we have visitors have adventures in fantasies that should be impossible, but this island can accommodate them such as visits to any time period they want, meet absolutely anyone they see to do something they request such as getting William Shakespeare to write a play for them.
Plot: In this revival of the popular 1970s television series, Mr. Roarke and his three assistants run a tropical paradise where guests come in to have their wildest dreams and fantasies come true.
Notable: In the two pilot movies Roarke was actually a rather sinister figure, but once the series went into production he soon became much more benevolent. In later seasons there were often supernatural overtones. Roarke also seemed to have his own supernatural powers of some sort, although it was never explained how this came to be.
Notable: There is another remake underway for 2010 Fantasy Island, maybe the second attempt grabs a midget the show will make it past 13 epsiodes.
The Streets of San Francisco
Original Series: 1972-1977
New Series: 2010-?
Episodes: 119
Episodes: ?
Starring:
Karl Malden
Detective Lt. Mike Stone
Michael Douglas
Inspector Steve Keller
Starring:
?
Plot: This show was about two police officers who investigated homicides in the "city by the bay." The center of the series was a veteran cop and widower, Lt. Mike Stone (Karl Malden), who had more than 20 years of police experience was partnered with a young, educated, plainclothes detective and energetic partner, Assistant Inspector Steve Keller (Michael Douglas), a 28-year-old college graduate.
Plot: The remake will keep key elements from the original series: the title, the names of the two main characters and, of course, the backdrop of the City by the Bay. But the main focus is to bring the spirit of the original "Streets" into the new reincarnation, Turner said. "The times are very similar — it was the Vietnam War in the 1970s and the Iraq War now," he said. "There is the same sort of tension between generations, and we wanted to carry that to the new series." Turner compared the 21st century Keller and Stone to presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain. "One, like Obama, wants to be active and believes in rehabilitation, while the other one, like McCain, doesn’t quite believe in rehabilitation and believes that the enemy is the enemy," Turner said.
Notable: After the second episode of the fifth and final season, Douglas left the show after successfully producing the film One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which won the Academy Award for Best Film for 1975.
Notable: CBS is planning dual remakes of cop dramas Streets of San Fransisco and Hawaii 5-0 to confuse older viewers into believing they have traveled back in time to the 70s like the TV Show Life on Mars which makes no sense because that’s on ABC.
Adam 12
Original Series: 1968-1975
New Series: 1989-1991
Episodes: 175
Episodes: 26
Starring:
Kent McCord
Officer James A. Reed
Martin Milner
Officer Peter J. Malloy
Starring:
Ethan Wayne
Officer Matt Doyle
Peter Parros
Officer Gus Grant
Plot: After his partner is killed in a gun battle, Veteran Patrol Officer Pete Malloy, bitter and disillusioned, is teamed with an eager rookie partner, Jim Reed. Officer Malloy feeling responsible for his new partner, is determined to keep his new partner safe and alive. Stories involve daily assignments, close teamwork, and then-current law enforcement procedures right out of the files of the City of Los Angeles Police Department.
Plot: Officers Doyle and Grant patrolled the streets of Los Angeles in squad car Adam-12, trying to keep the city safe for everyone. The show mainly focused on the partners’ dealings with both serious crimes and more unusual humorous situations, as well as looking at their home and personal lives.
Notable: Show was a spin-off of the popular NBC TV series DRAGNET!, Created and Produced by Jack Webb.
Notable: Ethan Wayne is the son of John Wayne, and this was his only major role.
Kojak
Original Series: 1973-1978
New Series: 2005
Episodes: 118
Episodes: 10
Starring:
Telly Savalas
Lt. Theo Kojak
Starring:
Ving Rhames
Lieutenant Theo Kojak
Plot: The series is set in New York City’s Thirteenth Precinct. It revolves around the efforts of the incorruptible Lt. Theo Kojak (Telly Savalas). A tough, bald New York City policeman who was fond of lollipops and for using the catchphrase, "Who loves ya, baby?" Lt. Kojak displayed a dark, cynical wit and a tendency to bend the rules in order to bring a criminal to justice.
Plot: Rhames portrays Lietutant Theo Kojak of the New York City Police Department, a skilled plain clothes detective with a shaved head and an affinity for jazz, fine clothing, and lollipops. As with the original series, he is fond of the catchphrase "Who loves ya, baby?" The series lasted for one season.
Notable: In the early episodes of the series, Kojak smoked heavily; in order to reflect the anti-smoking sentiment gaining momentum on American TV, the writers decided that Kojak had quit smoking. He began sucking on lollipops as a substitute, which became a trademark of the character.
Notable: Many asked why remake a show like "Kojak," which featured a larger-than- life character who was proudly Greek-American (played by a proudly Greek-American actor) and cast an African-American in the title role? The quick answer name another Greek American actor besides Telly Savalas.
Network schedule from 1977 - you can still watch 60 minutes on CBS on Sunday nights at 7PM.
Although many of these stars have either died physically or professionally, you can still watch many of the same shows. And who knows maybe Michael Phelps will reclaim Mark Spitz’s failed olympic swimmer turned horrible sitcom actor to complete the comeback.
Be ready to break out your polyester in 2010 you will have the following remakes:
Capricorn One, Clash of the Titans, Cleopatra, The Colour Purple, The Crazies, Dambusters, Dirty Dozen, Dune, Farenheit 451, Fantastic Voyage, Fantasy Island, Flash Gordon, Footloose, Green Hornet, Hawaii 5-0, High Noon, Highlander, Hong Kong Phooey, I Dream of Jeannie, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Invisible Man, The Invisible Woman, Jonny Quest, Knight Rider, Labyrinth, Logan’s Run, The Lone Ranger, Metropolis, Mighty Mouse, Mortal Kombat, My Fair Lady, Navy Seals (!!!), Nightmare on Elm St, Paddington Bear, Red Dawn, Red Sonja, Robocop, Rosemary’s Baby, Sanford and Son, Short Circuit, Smurfs, Teen Witch, Thundercats, Tron, Voltron, The Warriors, White Man’s Burden, The Wild Geese
The recent fire at Universal Studios has provided a unique marketing challenge, how do you market a theme park that has recently suffered catastrophic fire damage? Well those clever Hollywood marketing types have risen the challenge and pulled a new marketing campaign from the ashes jokingly referred to by some as a fire sale.
On June 1, 2008 a welder’s torch started a fire that destroyed much of Universal Studio’s backlot including the city square made famous in Back to the Future.
The latest advertising from Universal Studios even pokes fun at the recent disaster, offering a fire-sale special on regular admission ticket prices, even going so far as to depict the Simpsons ride with fire damage (the ride itself was not damaged in the fire.)
The famous studio tram will now take advantage of the fire damage.
New York street can now be renamed Nagasaki street and can be used to film apocalyptic scenes.
The famous city square from Back to the Future with fire damage can now be used to make a movie about Stalingrad, or the next Terminator movie.
The blaze burned the vault containing Universal’s video library, said Ron Meyer, chief operating officer of Universal Studios. This provides park guests with thousands of collectible Hollywood memorabilia pieces. How’s that for making lemonade when life hands you lemons.
You could chalk it up to senile dementia or maybe just being French but 86-year-old Pierre Cardin has launched what experts agree is the most retarded fashion show in the history of the world. These images are real pieces were not part of a hidden camera show but were part of his spring/summer 2009 ready-to-wear collection show in Theoule-Sur-Mer, southern France.
Filed under: 
The Last WInter or TLW Disease
